We've all been there at one point or another. You meet a girl who you could see yourself being together with, so you ask her out and you two go out for a couple of dates. You've gotten to know them, but aren't quite sure if they're the one that you have been looking for. The next chapter of our dating tips will help answer just that.
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Preferences vs. Deal Breakers
Somewhere out there, the perfect person is waiting for you (or that’s what were all at some point or another in our lives). The concept of finding “the one” is so romanticized in the dating world, however the truth is, often times that is not the case. Okay hear us out here.
Although it is very possible to find a partner who you think is the perfect match for you, the truth is that there are millions of individuals who can potentially be “the one”. Stop spending so much time trying to find a partner who ticks off every item on your long list of requirements and realize that he/she could be anywhere. The biggest mistake guys make when they’re looking to find the right partner is simply waiting for things to fall into place. Take some action! Pick up a new hobby, take a class in something, go to meetup events. Don’t just log into one of your dating apps such as Bumble or Tinder and swipe, hoping that you’ll eventually match with “the one”. Maximize your opportunities by putting yourself out there.
Looking for Love or a Fling?
Ok so let’s say that thanks to our previous advice you have now landed yourself a date or two. How do you know if you've found the one? The first thing you need to figure out for yourself is whether you’re looking for a serious relationship or just another fling. Maybe you’ve just gotten out of a serious relationship and you aren’t really looking for the love of your life. However, if you’re on the opposite end of the spectrum and are looking to get serious, consider these tips to find evaluate if they're the one.
Be Patient and Do Your Due Diligence
We get it. Maybe you’ve been going through a dry spell recently and now that you finally have a date lined up, you’re eager to jump right into a relationship. This is a common mistake among a lot of guys. It’s important to take a step back and evaluate if you are interested in a relationship with this person, or just the idea of a relationship in general. Not only will patience allow you to figure out if you two are a good match, it will also result in a much more meaningful, long-lasting, and healthy relationship.
Do your due diligence and get to know them first and evaluate if he/she is a good match. When it comes to finding the one, you’ll want to make sure that they have more than a few things in common with you. Evaluate their personality and figure out for yourself if you two have long lasting potential.
Use the Qualification Technique
Using the qualification technique lets you ask someone to justify why we should be with them, without coming off as rude or interrogative (e.g. You seem very genuine and cool, but are you adventurous?). The idea behind qualifying questions is for you to come off as interested and wanting to find out more about what makes this person awesome and a great potential partner for you.
Using this strategy has two main benefits. If it’s your first date with this person, chances are that they might not fully know what your intentions are. Maybe they've had a bad history with emotionally manipulative partners who were just looking for a fling. By asking your potential partner qualifying questions, you show them that you are truly interested in them as a person. There is your first benefit.
The second benefit is that while they're answering some of these questions, you can evaluate and see if your personalities match up. If you’re really adventurous but one of their answers indicates that they are more of a homebody, you may want to think twice about whether you two would be a good match.
Be Specific, but Not Unrealistic
Everyone has a list of requirements in their head when it comes to finding the right partner. Whether it is a specific body type, personality, haircut, financial status, you name it, everybody has the ideal match in their head. We all think that we deserve to have exactly what we want, but these are the types of people who are the most disappointed when it comes to long term relationships. If you’re holding out and waiting for perfection, chances are that you are not going to find it. We’re not saying that you should throw all of your standards and expectations out of the window. It’s good to know exactly what you want in life, but differentiate between your preferences and deal breakers. Simply separate the “it would be nice if’s” from your “they must absolutely be's”. This will help you broaden your list of potential partners and give more people a chance, thus increasing the likelihood of finding the right person.